


the horse before the car(t)

by spyglass



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Undercover as a Couple, Yuletide 2014
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 09:07:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2807123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spyglass/pseuds/spyglass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake and Amy go undercover at a used car dealership.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the horse before the car(t)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cangjie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cangjie/gifts).



> Happy Yuletide!

Amy hates undercover work.

She has good reason to, if you ask her. Not that anyone ever does. But undercover work tends to be messy: it’s complicated and high risk, and things never, _ever_ go as they’re expected to go. Plus, undercover work is essentially acting, which reminds her a little too much of the one semester of drama she took her freshman year of college. (She got a B+ and it took her almost two years for her GPA to recover.)

The only reason she doesn’t hate undercover work _entirely_ is because it is good, hard detective work, and she has never once shied away from hard work. At least, this is what she tells herself at 10:30 on a Saturday morning, as she and Jake wander around a used car lot in Bay Ridge, posing as a married couple looking for their first car.

Their plan is simple enough: she’s going to distract the salesman long enough for Jake to plant a bug in the main office. They’ve been tracking this drug ring for five months and they are _this close_ to busting it. They just need a time and location for the next delivery.

“This is it, honey,” Jake proclaims, stopping before a Vista Cruiser painted in a color that could only be described as puke green. He grins at the car in front of them, practically gleeful. “This is the one.”

“Are you sure?” she asks, one eyebrow raised skeptically. She had been so certain nothing could be worse than that terrible car Jake actually _owns_ , but she had been very, very wrong. She hates that.

“It’s perfect!” He exclaims, one arm motioning to the car while the other draws her in against his side. Unlike her, Jake’s enthusiasm for any and all undercover assignments is evident in the way he delights in playing his role even when the salesman is nowhere near them. “It’s got plenty of room, so we won’t need to upgrade to something with more space when we start having kids. And we can take it to my Uncle Mike’s auto shop so we’ll have it forever!”

“That sounds… perfect,” she manages, barely.

“You can finally own the station wagon I _know_ you’ve always wanted!”

“A family vehicle does not necessarily mean station wagon,” she reminds him, shooting him a warning look that he deliberately chooses to ignore.

“Of course,” he agrees helpfully. “It could also mean minivan, or maybe even a suburban. But this is definitely the car, honey, I can feel it in my bones.”

“Alright,” she sighs reluctantly and shuts her eyes, as if to ward off the tension headache she can feel coming on. They need to stay on task, and if they get into an argument about exactly what kind of family vehicles are acceptable according to her ten year plan, they’ll never get a chance to scope out the office. “Why don’t you go see the salesman about a test drive, then?”

“Okay,” he says, dropping his arm from around her waist and heading into the dealership. “But I’m driving.”

That’s exactly what she was afraid of.

 

xxx

 

Needless to say, the test drive is a harrowing experience given the car and the circumstances and, well, _Jake_ , and Amy finds herself grateful to return to the lot still in one piece.

“Leave the talking to me,” Jake says, pulling into the first available parking space and slamming on the brakes. “I’ll distract the owner slash salesman long enough for you to go plant the bug the office.”

“That’s _not_ the plan,” she reminds him with a glare. “I’ll do the talking. I looked up the car’s accident history and I already have a list of talking points.” With one hand, she holds up her phone and motions to her lap, where she has a notepad with a five page list of the many, many questions she formed while viewing the accident report during their test drive. “He’s going to have a lot of explaining to do. After all, you can never be too careful.”

“Title of your sex tape.” He cuts the engine and turns to look her in the eye. “Alright, we’ll stick to the plan, but only because it would be a _tragedy_ if all your hard work went to waste. I mean that.” Smirking, he holds up three fingers of his right hand, “Scouts honor.”

“Title of _your_ sex tape,” she mutters under her breath as they get out of the car and are immediately greeted by the salesman, a balding man in his late 30s who, according to their background check, has a long history with the NYPD.

“What did you think?” he asks them eagerly.

“It’s perfect!” Jake exclaims, coming to stand by her side as he wraps his arm around her waist, presenting a united front. This time, though, he makes an exaggerated motion to kiss the top of her head as part of their cover. “This is exactly the car we need to start our family, right, honey?”

“Oh, absolutely,” she agrees, turning in his arms so only he can see her as she rolls her eyes. “It’s just what we’re looking for.”

“That’s great,” the salesman looks to them expectantly. “Let me know what I can do to make this happen for you.”

“Well,” Amy begins, pulling her notepad back out of her purse. “I did some research on the internet and I was wondering if you could answer a few questions for me.”

“I’d be happy to.”

Beside her, Jake gives an exaggerated yawn. “You’ll have to excuse my husband,” she explains apologetically. “He’s already decided so he doesn’t want to stay to listen to this part. Cupcake,” she adds, turning back to Jake, “why don’t you go look around some more while I iron out the details.”

“That’s a great idea. I think I’ll do just that,” Jake agrees. He begins to walk away, heading in the direction of the main office, but as she places a check by her first question and begins to grill the dealer in the careful, practiced way her mother always did, she catches sight of Jake turning around long enough to mouth _“cupcake?”_ in her direction.

Well, she thinks. That serves him right for his completely unnecessary family vehicle comments earlier.

She would hope it teaches him a lesson, but she kind of hopes it doesn’t.

 

xxx

 

“I kind of can’t wait until we arrest him,” Amy says later that evening, as they sit at their desks back at the station, listening to the recording they made of the salesman’s conversation with his dealer for the third time. They now have their time and location for the next drug shipment; they’ll have their bust by the end of the week.

“If the look on his face when we do is half as good as it was when you told him we couldn’t buy the car because he lied about the vehicle’s accident history, then I can’t either.” Jake grins, sipping the coffee that burned his tongue just a few minutes earlier (because he can never make himself wait for it to cool).

Her attention turns suddenly to the simple gold band that adorns his left ring finger; the rings had been loaned to them by the department as part of their charade. “It’ll probably be better,” she says, glancing down at her own hand and the matching ring she wears. With a sigh, she slides the ring off of her finger. “It’s probably time to put these back in the storage locker.”

“I was kind of thinking I’d keep it for a few days, see if anyone noticed,” he says, but at the stern look she shoots in his direction, he gives a put upon breath and returns the ring to her. “Thanks for being a perfectly acceptable fake wife today. It didn’t totally suck.”

Shaking her head, she agrees, “No, it didn’t totally suck.”

“I’m glad we’re in agreement then,” he continues, taking her hand and bowing down to kiss it. “I know this isn’t exactly part of your ten year plan, but I now declare us happily divorced!”

In spite of herself, she laughs, and when she returns from the evidence locker a few minutes later, she’s still smiling.

Maybe she doesn’t hate all undercover work quite so much after all.


End file.
